david dalpiaz dot com

Will Wooten amused me with his mock-ups for Walmart’s new logo. Makes me wonder what the practical cost of changing their logo is. Just manufacturing the giant letters to go on all their store facades has to be at least a milli, right?

Daniel Radcliffe says the new Harry Potter movie will be like Trainspotting. I didn’t like Trainspotting all that much - I shy away from movies that don’t have any likable or rational characters - but I still like what Harry says here. Sexual energy, drug parallels and the destruction of London landmarks. I’m on board.

Astronomers don’t think Caesar invaded Briton when it’s thought he did. More interestingly, some people don’t think the Dark Ages happened. I think that’s going to be my scientific conspiracy theory of choice, though I imagine some simpletons are going to be annoyed or confused when I start dating things in the 1700s.

Movie critics: still relevant. A brisk and interesting read with encouraging results (and graphs, people!), though his comparison of box office receipts and Rotten Tomatoes ratings was blatantly stolen from my study of film critics’ political leanings. Just kidding.

Jay-Z put on a quality show at Glastonbury, and as a result 99 Problems has jumped to the Top 25. The song is four years old! That one concert can have such an impact is cool, I guess.

Pablo Escobar’s ranch is now a theme park. This is originally from The Miami Herald I guess, but I already copied the link and I’m not going to bother searching for the original source.
Acenate

This guy Lloyd is an R&B singer or something. But more importantly, in this video he at times looks like - I’m coining this - Black Legolas. Weird. Lil’ Wayne has a verse on this song too (”Girls All Around the World”) so it’s worth a listen (better yet, check out Weezy’s “A Milli” live at FNMTV). Point is, someone should make a blaxploitation movie about Legolas, starring this guy.

Snoop Dogg ft. Doug E. Fresh - Lodi Dodi. Live at VH1 Storytellers.

MGMT - Time to Pretend. A juicy little jamb.

Truck full of 12 million bees turns over. Apparently it’s economically practical to cart a truck full of bees off to pollinate some blueberries and then, I guess, recapture them and ferry ‘em back. That’s bonkers.

This guy didn’t like Hancock. This may have to be the first Will Smith movie I miss in forever, not so much because of the bad reviews but because Smith has basically been outed as a Scientologist. Too bad. Go see Wall-E instead this weekend, people.

They’re gearing up for a big Night at the Museum sequel. The first one was unusually funny in parts (Ricky Gervais, even though I think he’s bad at stand-up) so here’s hoping this one is worth a trip to the IMAX too. Bill Hader’s presence bodes well.

What Wesley Clark really said about McCain. I made a similar comment to my dad last week - it would be one thing if John McCain had experience making strategic decisions and leading troops, but he doesn’t - at least not during wartime. Your everyday conscript has more applicable military experience than a guy who spent the whole thing locked in a cell (where, if you missed it, his captor claims he was never tortured. No, I’m not taking either of them at their word.). I don’t know why we want someone with military experience anyway considering everybody just wants to get out of the war we’re already in.

If McCain really wanted to be cool, he would publicly denounce these Obama rumors. But he won’t. Probably. Then again, I also didn’t predict CM Punk winning the World Heavyweight Championship last night, so shows what I know.

John Legend ft. Andre 3000 - Green Light. ‘08 Dream Team.
Acenate

Between Weezy and Coldplay, the music industry isn’t doomed. Coldplay’s success is interesting as I hadn’t picked up on a whole lotta release hype, but apparently it presold really well. Perhaps the group just has about 700,000 devoted fans. While anything in that range is significant for the business as a whole, I wonder what the expectations were from EMI and the band itself - the group isn’t happy with EMI and contracted it’s own marketing company, so is this a moral victory for them or did they hope for more? Does this suggest the band can survive independently or will it only strengthen EMI’s resolve to keep them signed?

Nobody cares about Hot Coffee. And thank goodness. That whole “controversy” was ludicrous considering the prohibitive amount of extra work it took to unlock the sex scenes - not even an adult could stumble across it, let alone a child. It’s basically the equivalent of taking a movie with PG-13 content and rating the theatrical version R because the “unrated” DVD has a few more swears and a hint of nudity. Yet while stores won’t stock AO games, I bet minors can go pick up the unrated version of Semi-Pro at Best Buy without any fuss. This article also raises the valid point of people apparently being more offended by consensual sex than they are cop killing and pedestrian killing and jetpacks.

The Everglades are actually being restored. Amidst all this negative environmental news, a big coup for Carl Hiaasen and company. I don’t know how big a dent $2 billion dollars is for Florida but it’s just encouraging to see the effort being made. Hopefully this doesn’t make Crist think he can start drilling offshore now.

A script for School of Rock 2 has been written. But what’s this about a reboot? That doesn’t make much sense. Regardless, I’ll be pleased so long as they write a sweet jam like they did for the first one.

Jacob the Jeweler is so busted. It’s just kind of amusing that a jeweler has any notoriety to begin with, his being sentenced to two years in prison is just all the more entertaining.

Dubai gets even more entirely unnecessary but kind of cool buildings. This one rotates or spins or something. Why? You tell me. Why don’t all those terrorists and fundamentalists get mad at Dubai for their terrible (but entertaining!) excesses like they do the U.S.? They’d save on travel costs. Also: The BBC says it’s a “70-storey” building. Is that a typo or do the Brits really use “storey?” That’s a new one to me.
Acenate

The Segway is actually somewhat successful. Who would’ve thought? I’ve still yet to ride one, though. Wait, this guy commutes 1.4 miles on a Segway. At 12.5 MPH - assuming he’s speeding the whole way - that’s what, like a seven minute commute? You can’t walk or bike that? “Fun” nothing, standing on a Segway and looking ridiculous can’t be preferable to a brisk bike ride.

Apparently, all it takes to get refused Communion is endorsing Obama. No comment.

Nas ft. Keri Hilson - Hero. Produced by Polow Da Don, who gave the world the gift of “Throw Some D’s.” Nas is consistently good, but I think the unrivaled quality of Illmatic has caused him to be held to a higher standard than, well, everybody else. At this point in their careers, he’s been topping Jay (see: “Black Republicans,” “Success”). Speaking of which, it doesn’t look like Jay is on the now-untitled Untitled, which is too bad.

Some people think arresting bloggers is hot on the streets. Hey bloggers in China, Iran and Egypt: send me your exclusive, inflammatory news scoops and I’ll post ‘em. Readership at DDDC is in a lull (although we did get a search referrer for “Peter Dinklage naked” the other day - a new high point in my life).

New York murders this guy’s dog. Poor dude.

Elian Gonzalez is 14 and a Communist. How much play do you think this kid gets? I’m guessing a lot.

Olympic mascots: always a bad idea. Obviously.

People are mad the villain in Hulk smokes cigars. I think smoking is as stupid as the next guy, but I hardly think this is going to put anybody’s health at risk. Generally solid movie, by the way, although the romance plot with Steven Tyler Jr. was too much and too artificial. The little homages to past Hulks and references to the rest of the Marvel universe were appreciated though. So far so good, but I think they’re going to oversaturate the market with all their superhero movies.

I beat Mass Effect. It was good. Bioware again decided to go with faux-nonlinearity instead of really just making a nonlinear game (go back and see how it was done in Baldur’s Gate, please) but that’s only a minor annoyance when you’ll probably only play the game once. Planet exploring was kind of boring and the battles got too easy too quickly (again, like Knights of the Old Republic) but the universe they created was awfully thorough and pretty interesting, and the last mission (from Ilos on) was an enthralling, fun experience. Good stuff. When’s new DLC come out?

Now playing: Lost Odyssey. We’ll see…
Acenate

Capitalization rules, for one. Used to be I just knew to capitalize proper nouns and words at the beginning of sentences and maybe a person’s title or two. But I don’t have the slightest idea which words in this blog headline are supposed to be lowercase, so they aren’t. I’d like to see someone try to do something about it.

Why in the world do I keep catching a channel called American Movie Classics airing a movie called Dracula 2000? I hardly think Dracula 2000 is an American Movie Classic. For one, I’m 100% sure it sucks, and two, it was a box office bomb. The sad thing about the film industry, though, is that any movie with a wide release is going to make back its budget. The title, even; it would have been appropriate if the movie were the least bit ironic.

I love irony.

Wikipedia just informed me that some sick person made two sequels to Dracula 2000, neither of which have the year they were released in the title. That is disappointing, I would definitely ironically rent Dracula 2003. That has to put Dracula 2000 in the running for the most bizarre, mediocre movie to spawn an entire unnecessary series on DVD. Other films in this category: Wild Things, Universal Soldier, Starship Troopers, Bring It On. Actually, I’m inclined to give Bring It On and its sequels a pass, mostly because the third one has some really strangely amusing dance scenes with Hayden Panettiere. Well, there’s one, at least.

Soon joining the ranks of terrible film sequels: Donnie Darko 2 (S. Darko, yes, I’m serious), Into the Blue 2. Not that Into the Blue 1 was any good, but it did feature Jessica Alba. This sequel has Audrina Patridge from The Hills, and I saw a behind-the-scenes clip on The Soup and she is TERRIBLE. All caps, bold terrible. And I’m not one of those guys that is fundamentally opposed to the concept of sequels, either. I mostly love sequels.

I forgot to mention: Dracula 2000 stars Vitamin C. Yeah.

Good things: Supreme Court is all like “yo, George, you can’t just get rid of habeas corpus,” the Celtics pulled off a big comeback in L.A., Obama meets with a bunch of religious leaders (while supposed born again evangelical-whatever George Bush used to just send Condi Rice), politicians and red-blooded Americans and Anheuser-Busch itself are trying to fight off foreign acquisition of the company. Yeah, the general gist of that last link is a bad thing, but I didn’t want to make a new category. Cope.
Acenate

No, this will not be a daily feature. I have too much nothing to do to post daily. Links!

Raekwon ft. Mika - Once in a Lifetime. Yes, this Mika. Raekwon is top tier Wu-Tang and Mika is a little reminiscent of Freddie Mercury, so I fail to see how this could be anything but awesome. Granted, I haven’t listened to it yet (it probably isn’t appropriate for the workplace) so I can’t really vouch for its quality. Caveat emptor.

Today’s blog tip: Using Latin phrases makes people think you know what they mean!

Edit: Having listened to it, it may be an entirely different Mika which would be both disappointing and stupid since the aforementioned Mika is already pretty well known. Not a bad track though.

NASCAR is terrible. Surprise!

A bunch of JRPGs are coming to the 360. This is good news for me because I waste a lot of time getting halfway through games like these and then losing interest. Good on you, Microsoft! These are all probably going to the PS3 too, but I opted for the XBox because I figure Blu-ray players will be ubiquitous before long and the 360 has got that exclusive (now delayed) GTA4 content. Plus, cheaper. And I can play Dead Rising.

Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was tight with people in the White House. He apparently had contact with George. How ’bout that? Meanwhile, Dennis Kucinich spent five hours yesterday on the House floor listing reasons to impeach. That was probably fairly entertaining, but it only comes in at number five on this list of the most entertaining things on C-SPAN:

5. Kucinich. Haven’t watched that either.

4. People in Parliament yelling at the Prime Minister for a long time

3. The Libertarian National Convention

2. Stephen Colbert roasts Bush during the White House Correspondents Association dinner

(That seems like an oddly specific Wikipedia article, don’t you think?)

1. Rep. Sue Myrick honors the career of the great Ric Flair on the House floor
Acenate

You’ve blogged them, you can’t unblog them!

Firefighter gets 375,000 spam emails in one day. How does that even happen? I have to think it was a concentrated malicious effort, because I cannot imagine any spammer so effective as to hit him that hard that quickly just by chance. Maybe his ISP accidentally forwarded, like, everybody’s spam to his mailbox. I’m sure linking his new email address in this article is gonna help.

Mancow remembers Chris Farley. I don’t like Mancow much - I never found him particularly funny or insightful and his neocon opinions were always laced with a poorly masked current of self righteousness, but this is an interesting reflection on the last days of Chris Farley. I don’t care to hear the Cow wonder if he romanticized Farley like he had his father - and while Farley appears to have been long a lost cause, Muller’s apparent indifference to the 30-odd voicemails “Fatty” left him the day before he died even seems a little cruel - but getting an inside look at Farley’s relationships with his former SNL castmates is worth the read.
What station is Mancow even on, anymore? The most memorable thing he ever did was that little stint in WCW.

Somebody killed this steroid dealer guy. Bring on the conspiracy theorists! This happened in Plano, Texas - why does Plano, Texas pop up everywhere? Same thing with Odessa, Texas, which I first became aware of with Heroes but now it seems to be mentioned for something once a month. Why am I aware of Eugene, Oregon’s existence? Why is Peoria, Illinois the quintessential representation of Middle America?

Man falls after receiving spirit, sues. Hahaha, oops. I’d next like to see someone injure themselves while speaking in tongues.

Thoughts:

Concrete evidence that baseball is the most boring sport in the world: why does every single highlight package of a baseball game include some pointless “wacky” clip of people in the stands? What other sport is so devoid of action and excitement that not only do the cameras have to resort to scanning the crowd for items of interest, ESPN and local news broadcasts actually include those findings in their highlight reels? What’s more, half the time the “funny” thing in the crowd is a sleeping child or someone looking bored out of their mind. Sweet.

Weezer’s Red Album came out, and it’s very good. The pseudo pop metal tracks are unremarkable (to bad), but cuts like Dreamin’, The Greatest Man That Ever Lived, Pork and Beans and Pig are among the best stuff they’ve put on wax since the first two discs. Word on the street is most people don’t like Thought I Knew (a Brian Bell original), but it’s a standout track in my estimation. Not to mention Bell is the coolest looking guy in the group right now.

Also buy: Bun B’s II Trill.

I am annoyed at all the different versions of the album, though. I haven’t bought a physical copy yet because I don’t know which version to get to maximize my bonus trackage. According to this list, the most bang for my buck would have been the iTunes preorder package, but I don’t do digital sales.

Being in Chicago, it’s easy to forget that the R. Kelly trial isn’t only covered in our local papers, apparently the Brits care about this stuff too.

What is the past tense of forgo? Not a foregone conclusion, but having had to forgo something in the past. I forwent drinking soda?
Acenate

A few thoughts:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a very good movie. It’s not outstanding, it’s not profoundly good, but it was solid. Was it unnecessary to make a new one? Yes. Would I have preferred that they’d refrained from doing so? Eh. Is it an embarrassment to the franchise and does it ruin the trilogy? Absolutely not. Of course, we all knew people would claim it did, regardless of its quality, because people on the internet hate everything. There is no room for shades of grey or degrees of quality on the internet.

Light spoilerage ahead.

I’ve already heard about people complaining about the science fiction elements of the story. Were the same people also perturbed by the mythological and religious aspects of the older films? For whatever reason (nostalgia), people regard the original three movies as sacrosanct and infallible without actually being aware of what happens in them. Indy recovers Jesus Christ’s Holy Grail. The Ark of the Covenant lets loose spirits which gruesomely kill some Nazis. A mind control potion turns Indy into a follower of Kali Ma. The enforcer of an evil cult - inhabiting a vast underground complex - pulls people’s hearts out through their chest. Somehow, the presence of otherworldly beings, which, y’know, could at least theoretically exist in reality, is too outrageous to believe in a universe where all these other things are commonplace. Perhaps Crystal Skull haters should have seen that Ben Stein movie instead.

Moving on.

I like Shia LaBeouf, too, though I suppose I can probably see why some people don’t. Still, his inclusion is not immediate grounds for disregarding the entire film. The Last Crusade added Indy’s dad into the mix, is adding a son so inconceivable? He didn’t steal the show from dad (see: the last shot) and he wasn’t the stereotypical headstrong kid that irrationally disobeyed Indy’s directions, invariably and predictably getting them into unfortunate situation after unfortunate situation. He was a likable character and a natural extension of the family tree. Do people really find him more objectionable than Indy’s ethnic little sidekick in Temple of Doom?

I will agree that the vine-swinging was really stupid and unbelievable.

What we have here is nostalgia again distorting people’s opinions of the older films. The first three Indiana Jones movies were all better than the first three Star Wars movies (Spielberg directed, after all) but they were hardly perfect cinematic masterpieces. This sequel is at the very least better than the Star Wars prequels and Die Hard 4, which is still a piece of crap.

In other news, Weezer put out a new video which combines a bunch of YouTube sensations into one marvelous clip. They have to be credited for getting EVERYONE - Numa Numa guy, Chris Crocker, K-Fed, Tay Zonday. Still, some people on the internet can find nothing more offensive on the planet than a silly, ironic music video which slightly extends some memes’ (what a stupid, stupid term) 15 minutes of fame. If you don’t enjoy this video, you’re taking a whole lot of things too #$@!ing seriously, among them the internet, Weezer, and yourself.

Two final things.

1. AP Style says “internet” should be “Internet” and “website” should be “Web site.” That is really, really stupid.

2. More scandalous pictures of Miley Cyrus have arrived. Someone should tell Miley that she really isn’t hot enough to justify all these sexy poses and such. She’s a cute girl, alright, but we’re not buying her as a tempestuous underage sexpot like we did Britney Spears. It’s starting to look desperate. There’s nothing wrong with being the Hillary Duff to Vanessa Hudgens’ Lindsay Lohan, Miley. By the way, Lindsay Lohan: now a lesbian (but a hot one!).
Acenate

The American media has come under fire, so to speak, for its reporting during the lead-up to and first few months of the war in Iraq. Hindsight being 20/20, I, too, am disappointed in the job journalists and publishers did in covering the U.S. invasion of Iraq. All too often, news outlets did little more than toe the party line and report what the government told them. The claims of the Bush administration were not independently verified and, worse still, there was little pressure on the White House to concretely back up their claims. This was compounded by the manner in which the press covered the war once it was underway; with fanfare blaring, supposedly unbiased reporters were embedded with their fellow countrymen and encouraged to humanize and tell the stories of the U.S. troops. However, no one really bothered to humanize or tell the stories of the other side.

Now disregard the preceding paragraph. As unfortunate and regrettable as their performance may have been, the American media really had little choice. Whether it is symptomatic of a broken system or a societal inevitability, the press is driven by the pursuit of profit. This will be the case so long as it exists in a competitive, capitalistic market. People are quick to forget that the prevailing sentiment at the time was not only to have faith in the American government and people, but also to band together and present a unified front. Questioning the government or the troops was akin to treason in the eyes of many, and a newspaper has a hard time staying afloat when its readers believe it to be an outlet for anti-American propaganda.

Furthermore, the media was limited in its ability to verify whether or not Saddam Hussein had nuclear weapons. Even had the press ventured independently into Iraq after the war had begun, the government has a monopoly on coercion. If the military does not want the press to access an area or to talk to a certain person, they can guarantee they won’t through the use of force. Even if commentators and pundits were to posit that they thought the war was ill-advised, how could they compete with the incomparable capacity of the government to manufacture evidence? Colin Powell presented detailed schematics of mobile weapons facilities to the United Nations; if a journalist thinks they’re bullshit, all he can do is say so. But why would anyone believe his hunch over Secretary of State Powell’s satellite photos? Journalists must rely on government sources of information because they’re the only game in town.

Now, this is not to say the media should be entirely forgiven. They at times displayed an outright hostility for opposing views which was unnecessary and hypocritical. If we’re going to preach the importance of presenting all sides of an issue and maintaining an open forum for debate except when it matters most, why bother? Maybe if one network had opted to push the idea that the war was an awful idea they would have attracted enough of a niche audience to stay financially viable while stimulating the debate. Still, just as people get the government they deserve, people get the media they deserve. At the time, they wanted to see the CGI eagles and watch a satellite feed of the shock and awe campaign blowing everything to bits, so Fox News led the ratings. Just as it does now. What the media can do is remember these lessons, and at least present government information with a grain of salt the next time around.
Acenate

Having just seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall (excellent, by the way) it occurred to me that That ’70s Show somehow became the Kevin Bacon of modern Hollywood. Its cast is basically connected to anyone of any importance in film-making, and I never would have guessed such a thing would happen. Because while ’70s Show is generally unoffensive and occasionally clever, I’ve never been able to watch it for one reason: that heinous laugh track. Some people have tried to argue that the laugh track is some sort of commentary on sitcoms of the ’70s, but I’m not buying it. They seriously average one horrible canned laugh for every 1.3 lines of dialogue. Even if it were supposed to be ironic or something, it’s not effective simply because it’s so bloody annoying. Once you’ve heard it, you can’t escape it.

And really, you don’t think of any of the series’ stars as major players, but between them they wield a lot of influence. Makes you wonder if they’re all still tight; I mean, sure, they’ll all do Seth Green’s Robot Chicken every episode, but Kutcher and Topher jumped ship early so who knows? Aside: How does Seth Green get so many random people to do voices for Chicken? Wikipedia has a list. From Hulk Hogan and Stan Lee to Cee-Lo and Scarlett Johansson.

But anyway, with the outrageously cute performance Mila Kunis turned in for Sarah Marshall (the only thing stopping me from developing a huge crush is her and boyfriend Macaulay Culkin’s World of Warcraft habit), she’s just a cameo away from being a regular part of Judd Apatow’s stable of comedy brilliance. By appearing alongside Jonah Hill and Paul Rudd and the gang, she’s only a step removed from Seth Rogen, Steve Carell, Will Ferrell and therefore the rest of the Brat Pack. In my opinion, once you’re in good with Jack Black and Vince Vaughn, you’re in good with the only people that matter. Hell, Ben Stiller was in Anchorman, and he’s done films with everybody. DeNiro, even.

Plus, Ashton Kutcher not only married into the Demi Moore/Bruce Willis power family, he’s also like a big-shot producer. Sure, What Happens in Vegas looks like trash (as does Cameron Diaz most of the time. I said it.) but he’s got Punk’d and Beauty and the Geek under his belt. A bit part in Reindeer Games links him to Ben Affleck and Gary Sinise, too.

Meanwhile, Topher Grace (the highlight of the series, not coincidentally) pulls in the big names. For chrissakes, he was in Ocean’s 11 and 12, so there’s Pitt, Clooney, Damon, Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones. He also gets Dennis Quaid from In Good Company, a big coup, and Michael Douglas from Traffic. Not a bad showing.

Danny Masterson does respectably, thanks to appearances in Face/Off (netting Cage and Travolta) and The Faculty (which had a ton of notable youngsters - Jon Stewart, Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, Salma Hayek, even Usher).

And for the heritage acts, Debra Jo Rupp (the mom) not only did Friends and Seinfeld, she did Big with Tom Hanks. Kurtwood Smith (Red) was in A Time to Kill with McConaughey, Sandra Bullock, L. Jack and Kevin Spacey; Dead Poets Society with Robin Williams, Ethan Hawke and that guy from Sports Night; Star Trek VI with Shatner, Nimoy, etc.; and Girl, Interrupted with Jolie, Winona Ryder and Jared Leto. And Rambo III. And Robocop. Not bad.

Not pulling their weight: Laura Prepon. I guess being a Scientologist would logically link her to Tom Cruise, though, right?

Not to mention Wilmer Valderrama was in Beauty Shop with Mr. Bacon, so he’s only a degree from the man himself. And he dated Lindsay Lohan for a while. What was that about?

Anybody huge they aren’t a step or two away from?
Acenate